My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
