I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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