There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
