I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
