There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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