Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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