After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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