I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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