Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He better not be in your backpack
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
