It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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