I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
