ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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