They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
