At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
