talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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