i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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