I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize