I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
