I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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