That's intense
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Randomize
