Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
