My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
