I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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