I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
