He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
