thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think I sprained my soul last night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Rumble strips road head = magical
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
