mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
