And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
