Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
