I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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