He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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