Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
