I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
