I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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