all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
