My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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