I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
