My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize