I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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