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NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
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