btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
