don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Your penis caused this!
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
