Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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