Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
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how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
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So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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