I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
