she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
