im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I intend to get homeless drunk
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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