Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
