Three words: puerto rican gang bang
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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