just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
