It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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