i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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