they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
