Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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