yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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