So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
