doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
