her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
