I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
This baby is an asshole
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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