so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
