absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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