No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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