Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
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ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
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I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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