the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
