i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
