im gay
i know
yea but for you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
