i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
